As It So Happens
by WeirdAnimeChick
Summary: Castiel is in love with Sam. He really and truly is. Dean just happens to be the annoying older brother. Destiel.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: It is important to realize that this fic will be DESTIEL. It shall start out as a little one-sided Sassy, but no one gets heartbroken. There have been misconceptions.

Sometimes he felt like an older brother. This was a ridiculous notion of unimaginable proportions, but that hadn't stopped Castiel from feeling it from time to time. There was one time when Castiel's best friend in the entire world, Sam Winchester, had fallen down a flight of stairs in an abandoned warehouse they were exploring on a blistery Saturday afternoon. It had taken mere moments for Castiel to fling himself the rest of the way down and try to peer his way around a moaning Sam to find out how, exactly, he was injured. It was then that Sam passed out with a low wail of agony, one that continued into his unconsciousness and rose again sporadically every time he jerked on his own or Castiel tried to find the source of his pain.

Castiel had been so frantic that he started to cry, Sam wasn't privy to the world around him; thus no help to answering the question that kept thrumming through Castiel's head: _what do I do_?

Sam screamed again, louder than the last time, increasing Castiel's worry. A new idea popped into the young pre-teens head; while he couldn't leave Sam alone to go find help, Sam had a cell phone that Castiel could surely use to summon someone to them.

Castiel glanced down to where Sam laid, face scrunched up in pain and curled in on himself and shivering in his plaid shirt despite the ridiculous heat that still permeated the air. Sam's phone was on his person, but Castiel wasn't sure he could get to it without seriously causing the male pain. This thought made Castiel worry his bottom lip, averting his eyes from the shaking form of his best friend.

Bright blue eyes landed on a small lump on the stairs, drawing Castiel towards it. His eyes widened, by some miracle of heaven it was the cell phone, tears swarmed his eyes yet again, spilling over as he picked up the device, flipping it open as he had seen Sam do on countless occasions.

Through the blur of tears Castiel tried to figure out the phone, pressing buttons and constantly being amazed at what they were doing. The groans and screams coming from the man lying beside him were the only things that kept the teen prowling through the infuriating device. Eventually he hit what could only be Sam's contact list, not very full and Castiel only coherent enough to put two names to their faces; Dean and Sam's father.

Castiel hovered over the send button on Sam's dad's number, wondering stupidly if he should call and get them both in trouble. Biting his lip he moved the bright indicating bar down one, to the only other name he knew and hit send without thinking.

"Dean." He heard himself croak as the click indicated someone answering their phone. The tears that had stopped flowing from his face as Castiel fiddled with the little piece of technology that he couldn't stand, welled up in his eyes once more making his mouth feel much to wet and his tongue much to heavy to properly speak.

Castiel was sure that Dean was saying something though he couldn't understand it through the sound of blood rushing through his ears. "Dean." He simply said, shutting the older male up with the muffled call of his name. "Help." Castiel managed, wincing as Sam screamed again as he threw himself onto his stomach and hollered his pain into the crippling concrete.

Dean's voice became more hysteric at that, more insistent and demanding, enticing Castiel to pay attention enough for him to hear what sounded like 'where?' but could have easily been nearly anything else.

"The warehouse" he choked out through an impossible amount of mucus pooling in his throat and swelling into his mouth. "the one in the yellowed field." Castiel wasn't even sure if he was truly being coherent. It would be a miracle if Dean could understand him, but the Castiel soon heard low, soft noises that were made to be soothing before the low rumble of an engine percolated through their connection and Castiel let the phone drop, Dean was on his way.

He looked down to where Sam lay; panting as every breath laboured him. Castiel couldn't tell you when he had bothered to shuffle his way towards Sam, but he was here now, peering over the teen, a hand resting on the unconscious teens shoulder blade, unsure if it was supposed to be a gesture of comfort or simply to give him something to do, to anchor himself to the Earth and to know that this was actually happening; real.

Castiel isn't sure how much time had passed before Dean pulled him away from his moaning brother, leaning over his kin and ensuring that he was okay before turning to Castiel, the tears having long ago dried from his face but the tracks still clear on his pale face.

"…tiel?" blue eyes turned to Dean, wide with wonderment and the impossibility of the situation. Sam was strong, always had been, never having to question himself and seeing the best in those around him even when Castiel wrote them off as meet sinners or irritants.

Castiel opened his mouth, willing himself to say something in response, when nothing came he merely closed it again and remained staring up at Sam's savior.

Dean said something, the words falling soundlessly around Castiel who made no move to question or comment on them and stayed there, starring at Dean until the elder male gingerly fingered his way around Sam's body until he was in a position to pick him up, touching as little as possible as delicately as possible yet Sam still screamed, the volume of the noise sounding less harsh, less real in the midst of his saving as if knew that things were soon to be fine.

Dean returned shortly after, pushing at Castiel's shoulder until the teen looked at him, feeling utterly useless and dumb under the stunning, worried green gaze that had come to their rescue.

The more Castiel thought about it, the stupider his choices had seemed. Adults had, since a ridiculously young age, always praised Castiel for his reasoning and level head no matter the situation. This didn't seem to be the case when it came to Sam. When it came to the youngest Winchester, he was frantic and spontaneous. For Castiel this is the first time he has ever felt so completely useless.

Still, Dean lead a barely responsive Castiel out of the building and towards his sleek, black car that was surreptitiously laying in wait in the midst of the yellowed weeds. Blue eyes raked over the tire tracks left by the vehicle, but didn't think much of them. Castiel didn't think quite so much of anything at the moment. Didn't feel either.

Castiel climbed into the passenger seat, the door opening to a low moan from Sam. Castiel's eyes trailed from Dean, now getting into the drivers seat, and down to where Sam was trying to curl up in the back seat. He didn't feel apprehension, didn't feel the swarm of guilt he should have, didn't feel awkward about Dean's sorry hand on his knee, and he didn't feel the urgency of the situation. Castiel was empty. Had to be, if he wasn't, he couldn't be strong enough to get through this. In so many ways he felt like Sam's older brother, and in so many ways – Castiel guessed – he was.

As it turns out, Dean had taken Sam to the hospital; something that Castiel knew Sam hated and had wanted to avoid with the brothers' father. There they had taken X-rays and the process dragged on longer than it should in the mind of a 13 year old Castiel.

The afternoon had drifted into evening and Castiel had started to nod off, he hadn't had any sleep last night, the novel he was working on had enraptured him so fully that he couldn't tear himself away from the pages. A nurse finally came out. Dean stood, casting a glance to Castiel that displayed a sort of worry before following the woman through the door, leaving Castiel only half-coherent in the waiting room.

The minutes continued to tick by and the blue-eyed teen was sick of waiting. John hadn't shown up and Dean hadn't returned and, even though he knew Sam was okay he still wanted to see him! With an ugly curse he had never tested before, Castiel stood, marching through the door he had seen Dean exit through earlier and stomped down the hallway. Screw being calm!

Castiel had practically reached the end of the wing when he heard Dean's low voice calling out to him, making the teen spin on his heels and stare wide-eyed at the taller male, blue eyes staring at green, embarrassed as he realized that he had passed Sam's room awhile ago.

Castiel stomped back, ears red, turning into the room and sensing Dean follow him back in.

"I thought you were leaving." Castiel commented, shifting slightly.

"I thought you had left."

Blue eyes raked over Sam's body, barely conscious on the bed, sedatives dripping into him through the IV in his arm.

"Hey." He said with a small smile, Dean quickly shushing him worriedly, chastising Sam for speaking while his voice is still soar.

Sam settles for a nod of his head, Dean knows best after all.

Castiel sighed, walking over to the chair by Sam's bed, obviously moved by the older Winchester, and sat. "I am so sorry, Sam." He looked pleadingly into Sam's big eyes, feeling worse at the expression the boy returned.

The brunette opened his mouth; about to ramble on about how it wasn't Castiel's fault that he had fallen and cracked three ribs, tore a muscle in his arm, and bruised a bone in his thigh, though a look from Dean stopped him, making Sam glare weakly before turning his eyes back to Castiel.

"I do not care, Sam, I am sorry." Castiel quickly went on to talk about how he would come and visit the boy in the hospital and reminded Sam of his home number for when he wasn't here, and even asked Sam if he wanted him to bring anything.

Do to a dirty look from Dean, Sam just shook his head no before yawning, the look on his face telling Castiel that even the small noise made from that was painful for the young boy.

Castiel squashed his guilt under a layer of calm and nodded, silencing himself until he was sure that Sam was asleep. Then, with all the grace his mother had bestowed upon him, Castiel padded out of the room, not looking at Dean and not acknowledging that the older Winchester was trying to talk to him, to offer him a ride home, to reassure him that it wasn't his fault, but Castiel didn't listen, just strode ever faster down the hallway until Dean's footsteps were no longer tailing him.

Castiel didn't notice that Dean was still watching him leave, didn't notice the look on Dean's face, but he did notice the tear that spilled onto his cheek, unfounded as it was. The truth was though, now that he was here with Sam, Castiel realized that he wasn't like a big brother at all; he couldn't carry Sam to the car despite the sounds he made, couldn't coherently walk into the hospital and request their assistance, could barely use a cell phone when he really needed to! Castiel knew that these, while being traits of caring older siblings, were not what made up a big brother, but the thing was that Castiel couldn't do any of the things that did; Castiel couldn't shut Sam up with a look, would have let the boy ramble on until he couldn't any more if it was what Sam wanted to do, couldn't kiss his forehead to make him feel safe, or grasp his hand for reassurance. These were brotherly actions, used convey love and tenderness, all things that Castiel couldn't actually do with Sam.

Castiel stopped, heart racing. Could it be? He shook his dark locks, feeling the breeze pass him but not the heat that should be making him sweat. A small thought in the back of his mind asked him when he had made his way onto the streets but he couldn't be bothered with that at the moment, the only thing he could possibly think of was the fact that such a significant realization hadn't hit him sooner.

Of course Castiel wasn't an older brother to Sam, that was Dean's job, and he and Dean were so very different. No. Castiel couldn't be Sam's older brother because, while he did love Sam, it was much different than the kind of love the boy could get from his father or brother, the kind of love Castiel could give his was entirely different. After all, Castiel was in love with Sam Winchester.


	2. Chapter 2

During the time of Sam's recovery, Castiel made sure to visit at any time he could, entering the room with a small stack of books or Sam's favourite chocolate bar. On a bad day he would bring the teen homework with a grimace, but things like this had to be done.

Every day Castiel would go, no matter what the time, Dean would be sitting in a chair, sleeping awkwardly, listening to music, and – on the occasions – writing in a little notebook. At first the older had tried to strike up conversation, some fidgety, stutter of apology or reassurance that Castiel really didn't want to hear. After the third time the elder had been brushed off, he gave up, choosing to poke fun at Castiel and Sam or just remain silent until he left.

Looking at his feelings rationally, Castiel knew that he could not start acting differently, he could not simply walk into the hospital the next day and declare his undying love to an unsuspecting and injured Sam Winchester. Even Castiel, socially awkward as he was, knew the hell that could be brought about with such claims.

So, ever diplomatic, Castiel didn't say anything. He kept visiting Sam with nothing more than a new appreciation for nearly everything the boy did, learning to ignore Dean's presence in the room, and barely acknowledging him when the older resorted to teasing.

"Hey, Cas?" Sam asked, ever inquiring as he poured over the religion homework his teacher had assigned. "Did you understand this part? The interpretation, we're supposed to pick out the different symbols and the whole 'greater meaning thing' just doesn't seem to be working for me."

It was beyond Castiel why Sam, with the intelligence of top marks and an ever open and inquiring mind chose to talk like the rest of their peers when he was clearly capable of so much more. Needless Castiel leaned in a little closer, silently pleased with the development, and stood there; reading the bible excerpt but paying more attention to the Winchester he was now touching shoulders with.

"Greed." He eventually breathed out. "Here," he gestured at the sheet, still not moving away as he tried to spend more time with his crush. "the-"

Harsh scraping against the floor followed by the unmistakable clatter of the comfortless hospital chair clashing with the ground alerted both Castiel and Sam to the sight of a nearly seething Dean. "Dea-" Sam tried, earning a glare and his older brother stomping to the door.

The younger Winchester looked after his brother; bolting up and looking about ready to pull the IV out of his hand until Castiel placed a placating hand over it. "I will go." Sam stared up at him in awe and Casiel had to consciously lean away so that he wouldn't do anything irrational.

The dark haired boy pressed his lips into a thin line, stepping back with a finalizing nod before hurrying out of the room to chase after a fuming Dean. It was only now, Castiel realized as he was hurrying through the hallways and trying to locate the raging Winchester, that while he had seen Dean miffed before, the older male had always taken it upon himself to hide in his room, dealing with whatever was seriously pissing him up safely in his sanctuary after giving Sam and Castiel his reassuring 'my life is all shits and giggles' smile to keep them away. They always knew the smile was fake, but always chalked it up to Dean just not wanting them to know about it. This time, though, they wouldn't be allowing him that luxury.

When Castiel found him Dean was leaning against an unpainted wall of the hospital, just out one of the side doors and looking like he was in need of either a smoke or some alcohol, the strange thing – Castiel seemed to notice – was that he didn't seem generally angry as he had in Sam's room, just disappointed and frustrated.

"Dean?" Castiel asked uncertainly, questioning on whether the man in front of him, so broken and weak, could actually be the pushy, annoying big brother that had always stormed through his time with Sam.

Shocked, Dean looked over to him, pushing away from the wall and stepping back, as if to take off again. Castiel held up his hands in surrender and didn't continue forward. He felt strange, almost as if he was trying to placate a small animal. "Just listen to me?"

Dean nodded, not moving any closer but standing with his feet together, not exactly relaxed but calm enough that he wouldn't be taking off without a little more notice.

Castiel didn't know what to say. Never before had he been in a position to comfort someone, not to mention someone older or someone who had wasn't even sure of. Nonetheless he turned, leaning against the wall before deciding to slide down it; he couldn't stop Dean from fleeing if he wanted to, couldn't catch up with his long legs, and was too unused to this to try and coerce Dean into taking the initiative, as he would have liked.

"It's hard, I know." Castiel started, not looking at Dean but at the fake garden that stretched out before them. "Seeing your brother hurt, being left out, having to take care of something that you shouldn't have to at your age. Dean, you have been made to grow up before your time, you are entitled to little outbursts and to show signs of confusion or other human traits." These other 'human traits' were meant, as things that Dean felt were too unmanly to ever admit to, so Castiel didn't say them aloud.

The older man snorted. "Sure, that's what has be like this." Dean had confused Castiel with this simple sentence; drawing blue eyes towards the man he noticed that Dean had taken to sitting not far away from him.

"What do you mean?"

Green eyes turned to Castiel disbelieving. "I thought you were supposed to be observant, Cas." He chuckled though Castiel couldn't sense any humour behind it, but that might also be because he couldn't stop thinking that this was the first time that Dean had called him by that name and that it sounded a little funny coming from him. When the teen merely continued to look in Dean's direction the older sighed. "I'm not angry at Sammy or dad, or anything."

"Then why?" Castiel furrowed his brow and Dean sighed.

"Big kid things?"

Castiel resisted the urge to snort. "Big kid things stopped being those two years ago." To Castiel, two years seemed almost like an eternity ago.

"Figured." Dean grumbled but didn't say anything else.

They sat there in silence, Castiel looking at Dean, trying to piece together what exactly he was thinking and what was making him think it, a futile effort for Castiel but he wasn't going to press the issue.

Dean eventually sighed, standing and turning to where Castiel still sat against the building. "Come on, get up, Sam's probably out of bed and starting up a search party by now." He smiled, offering his hand with something that looked almost like reluctance.

Castiel accepted the appendage gratefully and allowed Dean to pull him upright, agreeing that Sam was probably worried now that both his brother and his friend hadn't returned to his room. Dean made to pull away but Castiel held his hand firmly. "Dean." He kept his blue eyes trained on the ground. "You know that, while we have our differences, you can talk to me right?"

Dean didn't respond.

"I mean, I'm at your house often enough, I know you almost as well as I know S…" he had almost said Sam. "myself, though your thoughts are a complete mystery to me and if you ever wanted to-" Castiel didn't get to finish, Dean had torn his hand out of Castiel's and placed it over his mouth instead, pushing the smaller male into the wall they had been leaning against and breathing heavily, a little too close for Castiel's comfort.

"Don't-" Dean's voice was choked, as if he was being suffocated by what Castiel was saying. The younger nodded his head, was this why Dean always hid in his room? Castiel couldn't help but wonder, but rationalize that this wasn't the case for Dean seemed to be just as coherent as ever. Well, before Castiel continued to speak.

Dean's eyes widened and Castiel almost felt worried for him. Dean stepped back, stuttering and stunned, giving Castiel plenty of space to run.

He didn't.

"Dean?"

The elder continued to stutter, backed away some more and made sure to look anywhere other than the boy before him. "I…uh…tell Sammy…"

Castiel took a tentative step forward when Dean didn't continue, extending his hand in a worried impulse. Almost as if sensing the touch coming Dean leaped back, eyes blazing as they turned towards Castiel once more. And then he was gone. Off, running away to where Castiel could only guess.

He stood there a moment more, retracting his hand eventually and turning back towards the door he had exited earlier. Maybe there really were Big Kid things left that he just wasn't old enough to know yet. After all, at the ripe age of 14 they were still teaching him limited things in school.

Castiel retreated into the building, Dean obviously wasn't coming back and Sam would be worried. The dark haired boy scrunched his face up in concentration, was Dean still angry? He certainly had seemed to calm down enough, and what should he tell Sam? That the job was completed? That he thought Dean was fine? Really, if Dean had finished his sentence it would certainly make Castiel's life much easier.

Regardless of this he made his way back to Sam's room where three nurses, trying to lower his heart rate and stop him from disconnecting the IV, were calming him.

"Then you should be out there searching for Dean and Cas!"

Castiel felt a swarm of gratitude when he realized that he was being included in Sam's panic attack, and while it was entirely horrible, he couldn't help but feel more than a little glad.

"Dean and I are fine." He concluded, butting into the room and striding right through the barricade of nurses. Castiel felt another surge of happiness as he watched Sam relax almost immediately, falling back against the pillows even though Dean was nowhere in sight. "Dean needed some proper rest and will be back when he settles."

Castiel felt a squirm of remorse as the lie fell from his lips, he didn't know if Dean would be back rested, didn't know if Dean actually was fine, didn't even know where Dean had determined the most suitable place to vent. He could still feel the elder's hand over his mouth, being pinned to the cool brick, and the frightening contrast between them.

With weary glances the nurses left, reminding him of the call button by the bed and that they were around if Sam needed something. And the two teens were allowed their own time together, something that hadn't happened for nearly a week now.

Castiel coughed nervously. "Has your father come to visit you yet?"

Castiel, for all his talents, has never been versed in the art of communication, so it came as no surprise when his newest attempt turned sour and had Sam looking forlornly into his lap.

"He left just before the weekend, Dean's been calling him but we haven't heard anything back." Castiel nodded his head solemnly in recognition.

"I am sorry."

Sam scoffed a little at this. "Don't mention it." He had learned long ago not to try and deter such thoughts when they arose in Castiel's mind. Sam had a feeling that it was because Castiel didn't fully grasp the concept, but the other teen had always denied this and quickly made an exit whenever the subject was brought up.

Castiel stayed there until visiting hours ended, both of the boys worried about a lack of Dean, but Castiel assured Sam that his older brother would be there tomorrow. If there was one thing Castiel knew about Dean, it was that Sam was the most important thing in his life, not that Castiel could relate.

Walking back home Castiel realized that the entire time he was alone with Sam he wasn't fully paying attention. Were anyone to ask him what they had spent the evening doing he would be unable to say much more than they had been talking. Castiel bit his bottom lip, the same thoughts swimming to the forefront of his mind for what had to be the millionth time this evening.

Maybe there are Big Kid things that he was still too young to know.

Maybe they would make sense if Dean were to explain them to him.

Maybe Dean wasn't just the annoying older brother, no matter how enigmatic.


End file.
